For many people, money is a bit of a taboo topic. But in a new relationship, you can strip it of its stigma from the off.
Talking about money early, often, and positively can help you make sure your approach to finances is aligned and nip any disagreements in the bud.
We're sharing our tips on how to talk about money with a new partner, right from day one.
Building a relationship where you talk about money openly doesn't need to come at the expense of protecting your privacy. Even in close relationships, it's important to keep some personal boundaries in case things go wrong.
So, as you follow these pointers, remember to keep sensitive personal information like your account or card details to yourself. That way, they can't be misused to commit fraud against you if the relationship ends badly further down the line.
You might think that money chat has no place on a first date. But there's one topic you can rarely avoid: who's going to pay?
Some people like to split the cost of a first date in half or pay for themselves. Others believe that the person who made the invitation should pay. And some people like to treat their date as they think it shows they're interested. If your date takes an approach you weren't expecting, it could lead to an awkward moment at the end of the night.
Instead, you could bring up the topic before the date, making it a run-of-the-mill part of date preparation. It also helps set a transparent tone for your relationship right from the start.
If you decide to split the cost, many banks now allow you to request money using a link or QR code, which can help keep your account details secure.
Once the first date is out of the way, there are plenty of things you can do to keep the money chat flowing as your relationship progresses.
Keeping up appearances is a big thing in new relationships. Many of us believe, rightly or wrongly, that our financial situation reflects our personal worth. At a time when you're keen to impress, it can be easy to spend more on dating than you have the budget for. As a result, you may leave yourself short for other expenses and cause yourself unnecessary worry.
But remember, nobody has endless money to spend. There's no shame at all in being clear that you need to stick to a budget. If this means spending less on dating, try these tips to talk about it:
Your partner may be facing similar budget pressures and be relieved that you've brought it up. If they aren't keen to compromise, then this might tell you all you need to know about them!
As you spend time with someone, you'll start to notice what they spend less on and where they splash out. But don't rely on what you observe to see what their priorities are; talk to them about it, too!
Sharing your financial mindset and priorities with a partner could mean bringing up small everyday choices as they happen, like how you're going to make a coffee at home rather than buying one out. Or it could be a more serious chat about how you need to choose whether to have a warm home or a full fridge. Where you start depends on your circumstances and your relationship.
Getting a sense of what you each focus on financially can help you see how compatible you are. If you each prioritise completely different things, this could lead to arguments down the line. But if you both know what's important to the other up front, you can find ways to compromise as you go along to keep your relationship in financial harmony.
Sharing your financial goals and plans with a partner is another great way to see if and how you fit together financially. They can be relatively small, like saving up for an expensive item. Or they can be big life goals, like getting on the property ladder or being able to retire early.
Your money goals don't have to match perfectly. Although it helps if you have similar ambitions, what's most important is that you know about and can support one another's plans. And in time, the individual goals you have now may become shared goals that you work towards together.
The money you owe may come up naturally in other conversations about your budget, priorities, or goals. For example, perhaps you've already talked about how you're prioritising clearing your debts or have a short-term goal of becoming debt-free.
If your debts haven't come up before, it can help to plan what you're going to say ahead of time and anticipate the questions they might have. Our pointers might help you organise your thoughts. If this person has been supportive and respectful during the other conversations you've had, there's every chance they will be now, too.
Remember, while it's good to be open about the situation, especially if it's worrying you, it's also important that you protect your privacy and maintain your boundaries. Only share as much as you feel comfortable with and be mindful of how your information could be misused if you split from your partner in the future.
Talking to your partner about money may make you realise you need help, either with your finances or your relationship. You can get free, impartial advice from:
Sources
https://www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/family-and-care/talk-money/talking-to-your-partner-about-money
https://www.relate.org.uk/get-help/talking-about-money-your-relationship
Disclaimer: We make every effort to ensure that content is correct at the time of publication. Please note that information published on this website does not constitute financial advice, and we aren’t responsible for the content of any external sites.
Helen is a personal finance editor who’s spent 11 years (and counting!) in the finance industry. She creates content on everything money with the goal of getting people thinking – and talking – about their finances in ways they may not have done before.
Sign up for tips on how to improve your credit score, offers and deals to help you save money, exclusive competitions and exciting products!
